Shyness and Redemption

When I was little, I was painfully shy. I remember in the first grade sitting in the back of the class one day having to use the bathroom terribly bad. I raised my hand hoping the teacher would stop writing on the board and turn around and see me so I could force myself to actually speak out in class and ask to go to the restroom. My teacher never did turn around. In order to get her attention, I would have had to say something outloud or stand up and walk up in front of the entire class to ask her. This was definately not going to happen! I was in such pain concerning my bladder that I could no longer hold it any longer. I sat there in my desk and just let it go. It was hot and it soaked my pants. It ran down all over the floor, surrounding my desk and me while I sat there in misery and shame. Someone next to me decided they would announce the fact that I had just peed all over the floor to the teacher and the entire class (as only a 7 year old can do). I was then publicly humiliated even more as my teacher decided to repremand me in front of everyone and tell me that "I" was going to be the one to stay in from recess and clean it up myself instead of the janitor. I did this, and when I was finished I went outside for the remainder of recess. It was a warm day that day and I decided that I was going to wear my long coat outside to hide what I had done from the rest of the kids at recess. My parents were not called and informed that I needed fresh clothing. I had to wear those clothes for the remainder of the day.

I am not shy any longer as my friends and family can tell you. I remember asking God to give me the boldness and courage to stand up in front of all of the kids at bible school to do a skit at church. I had just become a Christian that same year and was new to everything. From praying that prayer until now, I havn't been giving in to my shyness. I remember how miserable I was all of those years before and I have a decision to make every day about what I am going to do with my life. There have been many times that I have opened my mouth to say something and wished I would have just kept it shut. Still, there are many other times when I have said something only to find out that the words I used were not my own. It was God speaking to someone through me! How exciting?! I have learned that it is best to speak up and ignore my shyness because there have been so many situations that I would have missed out on if I had just stayed in the corner with my mouth shut being afraid of what someone might think of me or what I have to say. I just really don't care anymore. I have discovered that God can do far more reaching out to people with me being a willing vessel than an unwilling wallflower. I want to be all about God to the point that I become invisible to the world and God becomes radiantly visible. Less of me; more of Him!

I keep thinking about the part of my story where I decided to put on my long coat so everyone couldn't see what I had done. It makes me think about how we all try to cover up our sin so no one else will see what terrible, shameful things we have done. Covering it all up leads to more fear. Fear of someone finding out. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of being the only one dealing with this particular problem. God sees everything even when we cover it up. He sees us for the miserable human beings we really are, sitting in a puddle of waste surrounding us. We try to clean it up ourselves but it just doesn't work. You can still smell it and it's all over us. Well, there is good news! You don't have to clean yourself up. Jesus will do it and He is SO WILLING! You see, Jesus will clean up the "pee" and then wrap himself around you like a "long coat" so that when God looks at you, all He sees is Jesus, smelling fresh and pure and looking clean and spotless! We look and smell just like Him....WOW!! What a redemption!