What Happened To That Little Girl?

Growing up, I hated school. School was very miserable for me. I was always in my own little world taking part in a land far, far away from the classroom. This started when I was in Kindergarten and didn't stop until I started Jr. High (7th grade).

I'm still working on things in my head concerning why I had this problem. I am the kind of person who anyalyzes (maybe too much) everything. Every once in a while, I will be talking to Tim about something in my life from years ago and suddenly something will just click in my head. Then I say "Oh my! That's why I do THAT." Little by little, God seems to be showing me things about my life and usually it is something that causes alot of pain. I'm so happy He is showing me these things and especially not all at once. It's interesting to me that as He shows me things about myself, it opens my eyes more to the world around me and gives me a greater understanding of what other people are going through. This, to me, is terribly valuable because I need to learn more and more how to properly treat other people.

I've often wondered if the withdrawing I did when I was younger was brought about my the birth of my twin sisters when I was 3 years old. I am so very different from the two of them. I wonder if I had a problem with the sudden change in attention giving to me. My mom is the oldest of 8 children and my dad is the next to youngest of 7 children. His younger brother was born when dad was a teenager, so basically dad was "the baby" for years. This placed alot of importance on me because I was the only baby in one side of the family and I was "the baby's" baby in the other side of the family. It was this way for 3 years. Then came the twins. It's funny because I had always cried and asked for someone to play with but where we lived, there was no one to play with. Mom and dad decided to have another baby so I could have someone to play with and .....what happened? The baby showed up bringing along it's own friend! Not only that, but suddenly, there was no time for me because they took up so much of everyone's time and energy. I learned quickly to stand aside and stay out of the way. I adored my sisters because they were like giant baby dolls to play with. Mom said she remembers one day particularly well. Apparently I had somehow figured out (being 3 years old) how to get my infant sisters both out of the crib and was carrying them both under my arms down through the hallway with them crying the whole way from being drug most of the way. I hated it when they were sleeping. I couldn't play with the "baby dolls". Mom also tells a story about how we would go to the grocery store and I would stand out where alot of people were and yell "Hey, we've got babies over here!" Apparently, I would do anything for attention at that time, even it if meant using my sisters to get it.
So, I'm wondering. At what point did I become shy and withdrawn? I posted much earlier about why I'm not going to let myself be shy any longer. But, I want to better understand what exactly it was that caused a normal toddler to change so drastically. I want to know this, because I want to be the kind of person who prevents such things from happening to other children I am involved with. Especially my own.

Something very wrong happened and I'm just not able to find out what it is at the moment. God doesn't think I'm quite ready for all of the information just yet. There's some other stuff He needs to show me first.